Jokes4U - 08

Couple of Shorties for Ya

Today marks the 22nd anniversary of the passing of Elvis.

In true kingly fashion he passed while sitting on the throne.

Example of mixed emotions

When your mother-in-law drives your new cadillac over a cliff.

How do you know if it tastes like chicken if you can't compare chicken to anything

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Please raise my hand

If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep...

...and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked.

The population of the USA is 237 million. 104 million are retired.

That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.

Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes.

God created woman, and she had three breasts.

He said to the woman, "Is there anything on you that you'd like to change?"

She said, "Yes. Could you get rid of this middle breast?"

God snapped his fingers and it was done.

She exclaimed, holding the third breast in her hand, "What am I going to do with this useless boob?"

Thus God created man.