Jokes4U - 09

Two babies were sat in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other,
"Are you a little girl or a little boy?"

"I don't know," replied the other baby giggling.

"What do you mean, you don't know?" said the first baby.

"I mean I don't know how to tell the difference," was the reply.

"Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling.

"I'll climb into your crib and find out."

He carefully maneuvered himself into the other baby's crib, then quickly disappeared beneath the blankets.

After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a big grin on his face.

"You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy," he said proudly.

"You're ever so clever," cooed the baby girl, "but how can you tell?"

"It's quite easy really," replied the baby boy, "you've got pink booties and I've got blue ones."

(What were you thinking!??!)

Ever look at the Help wanted ads and wonder what they really mean

Here is our guide to Job Search Lingo

• "Competitive Salary"

We remain competitive by paying you less than our competition.

• "Join our fast-paced company"

We have no time to train you.

• "Casual work atmosphere"

We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up;

a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

• "Some overtime required"

Some every night and some every weekend.

• "Duties will vary"

Anyone in the office can boss you around.

• "Must have an eye for detail"

We have no quality assurance.

• "Career-minded"

Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

• "Apply in person"

If you're old, fat or ugly

you'll be told that the position has been filled.

• "Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience"

You'll need it to replace the three people who just quit.

• "Problem-solving skills a must"

You're walking into perpetual chaos.

• "Requires team leadership skills"

You'll have the responsibilities of a manager,

without the pay or respect.

• "Good communication skills"

Management communicates, you listen,

figure out what they want and do it.

The other side of the coin ....

Phrases for you to use in an interview:

• "I'm extremely adept at all manner of office organization"

I've used Microsoft Office.

• "I'm honest, hard-working and dependable"

I pilfer office supplies.

• "I take pride in my work"

I blame others for any mistakes.

• "I'm personable"

I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

• "I am very adaptable"

I've changed jobs a lot.

• "I am on the go"

I'm never at my desk.

• "I'm highly motivated to succeed"

The minute I find a better job, I'm outta here.

St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for the incoming.

He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention.

"Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?"

"Sure," replied Jesus. "What do I have to do?"

"Just find out about the people who arrive.

Ask about their background, their family, and their lives.

Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven."

"Sounds easy enough. OK."

So Jesus waited at the gates while St. Peter went off on his errand.

The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man.

Jesus summoned him to the examination table and sat across from him.

Jesus peered at the old man and asked, "What did you do for a living?"

The old man replied, "I was a carpenter."

Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward.

"Did you have any family?" he asked.

"Yes, I had a son, but I lost him."

Jesus leaned forward some more. "You lost your son?

Can you tell me about him?"

"Well, he had holes in his hands and feet."

Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered, "Father?"

The old man leaned forward and whispered, "Pinocchio?"