Jokes4U - 19


True Stories...

After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the Department of Motor Vehicles, I stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for my son. I brought my selection - a baseball bat - to the cash register.

"Cash or charge?" the clerk asked.

"Cash," I snapped. Then apologizing for my rudeness , I explained, "I've spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau."

"Shall I giftwrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly.

"Or are you going back there?"


Three women are about to be executed.

One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She says no and the executioner shouts, "Ready!...Aim!! ..."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

Everyone is startled and looks around while she escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts, "Ready! ... Aim!!..."

Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!"

Everyone is startled and looks around while she escapes.

By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! ... Aim!! ..." ...and the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"


A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed.

The passion is heating up, but then the wife stops and says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

The husband says "WHAT??"

The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman.

The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.

The next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits and then tells his wife, "We'll take all three of them".

Next they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. Finally they go to the Jewelry Department and get diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out) She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don't even play tennis,

but OK if you like it then let's get it."

The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on.

She says "I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register."

The husband says," No, honey we're not going to BUY all this stuff."

The wife's face goes blank.

"No honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."

Her face gets red and she is about to explode and then the Husband says "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man!!!